14 Shots to the Dome

(NFA) No Freeze & All

LL Cool J

Lyrics & Rhyme Analysis

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618

Internal

440

Multi

782

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Rhyme Groups — hover to spotlight

I was born in Kansas^✦ City,^✦ Missouri,^✦ during^✦ the Leo moon to Warren^✦ and Ruth Sheldon. My dad is a hardworking,^✦ blue-collar Ohio^✦ boy who has a problem being nice to waitresses^✦ and terrible^✦ road rage. My mom was an artsy,^✦ thoughtful, Saint Louis belle, who was always^✦ very^✦ nice to waitresses^✦ and drove too slow. My parents^✦ divorced when I was five years old, so I never^✦ really^✦ saw them married,^✦ but they lived^✦ only^✦ a few blocks away^✦ from each other,^✦ so I had a solid^✦ relationship with both of them while growing^✦ up. My mom died in 2004, but I still have my dad; my two sisters, Rose and Evelyn;^✦ and their great husbands, Greg and Henry^✦

I’ve loved^✦ Brazilian^✦ jujitsu, movies,^✦ and rap music^✦ for my entire^✦ life. I spent a majority^✦ of my formative^✦ years having^✦ vivid^✦ daydreams, staring^✦ into^✦ the distance, thinking about^✦ girls, and being completely^✦ disconnected from what was going on in the classroom.^✦ I was a space cadet,^✦ fully^✦ apathetic to the idea^✦ of success^✦ or work. School was so boring.^✦ I just wanted^✦ to sleep

What might surprise^✦ people: my Kansas^✦ City^✦ high school was a third Caucasian,^✦ a third Latino,^✦ and a third African^✦ American.^✦ There were also^✦ a few Asian^✦ and Indian^✦ kids, a band of Russians,^✦ and one Lakota^✦ kid, who came to school on hallucinogenic mushrooms at least twice a week and whose legal^✦ name was Adam^✦ Little Elk Running Over^✦ the Enemy.^✦ (What up, Adam?^✦ Call me when you see this!) There were a lot of drugs, fights, and troubled kids at my school. There was also^✦ a nursery for the girls who had babies^✦

I wasn’t necessarily^✦ a bad kid, especially^✦ compared to some. But I did have disciplinary^✦ issues.^✦ I skipped school a lot, got caught smoking^✦ pot in the parking lot a few times,^✦ and even^✦ got busted^✦ for having^✦ vodka^✦ mixed^✦ into^✦ a plastic bottle of Tropicana orange^✦ juice. I just wasn’t stimulated^✦ by the stuff my teachers^✦ were teaching

I tried to get my parents^✦ to let me attend^✦ an art school of some sort, where I could develop^✦ right-brain^✦ abilities^✦ like sketching, oil painting, and creative^✦ writing^✦ -— but they declined.^✦ They didn’t have the money^✦ to send me somewhere^✦ like that. So, instead,^✦ I just sat in decay,^✦ year after^✦ year, letting^✦ public^✦ schoolteachers^✦ cover^✦ my third eye with black spray paint

One random,^✦ agonizingly boring^✦ day during^✦ sophomore year, having^✦ slept through my morning classes,^✦ I was quite refreshed after^✦ lunch and was sitting in study^✦ hall with nothing to do. Not unusual. That day, though, I borrowed a piece of paper^✦ from Letasha Tilman^✦ and wrote MC Reptile^✦ at the top of it (my first rapper^✦ alias)^✦

I still remember the verse by heart:

My name is MC Reptile^✦

I weave words together like textiles

I grab the microphone and smack the sheriff off his saddle

I battle like a rattlesnake and make you all skidaddle

Rappers^✦ fuck with me they get beaten^✦ like eggs

You try to kick rhymes^✦ and I’m eatin’^✦ your legs

I stay so fresh, cook rappers^✦ like gizzards

Bitch I’m the wizard,^✦ the Reptile^✦ lizard^✦

It may not look like much, but the mere act of writing^✦ those eight lines^✦ permanently seared^✦ the cobwebs from my imagination^✦ and inspired me to never^✦ sleep during^✦ class again.^✦ Instead,^✦ I began^✦ nurturing^✦ my passion^✦ for rapping^✦

I’d heard the cliché: “You must spend ten thousand^✦ hours intensely^✦ practicing something to master^✦ it.” So for the next six years, I did just that. I filled^✦ countless notebooks with rap lyrics, constantly^✦ challenging myself^✦ to parent^✦ my own, unique^✦ writing^✦ style. I read dictionaries^✦ and thesauri^✦ to expand^✦ my vocabulary,^✦ memorizing all sorts of exotic^✦ words and their definitions

Borborygmus: the rumbling sound of gas passing through the intestine

Fuscoferuginous:^✦ having^✦ a dark, rusty^✦ color

Quomodocunquize: to make money^✦ by any^✦ means possible^✦

I read every^✦ book I could find by William S. Burroughs, Jack Kerouac, Vladimir Nabokov, Ernest^✦ Hemingway, Mikhail Bulgakov, Kurt Vonnegut, and Cormac^✦ McCarthy to try and learn how to write with deliberate^✦ fluidity.^✦ I devoured every^✦ rap album^✦ I could find, picking apart^✦ each rapper’s^✦ deficiencies,^✦ adopting my interpretation^✦ of their strengths. I would freestyle^✦ rap for hours in my bedroom^✦ into^✦ a handheld tape recorder, while doing jumping jacks and push-ups. This helped^✦ me simultaneously improvise^✦ new rap ideas^✦ and develop^✦ lung power,^✦ projection,^✦ verbal^✦ articulation,^✦ enunciation,^✦ and breath control

I was methodical.^✦ I drilled constantly,^✦ pushing myself^✦ to improve. I never^✦ set out to be famous, or even^✦ make a living^✦ off music.^✦ I just wanted^✦ to impress kids in the high school cafeteria with my freestyle^✦ raps, while I made fun of Margot^✦ Glasscock’s last name, or rapped^✦ about^✦ sleeping with Miss Steele, the school’s foxy,^✦ thirty-two-year-old algebra teacher

After^✦ honing^✦ my rapping^✦ skills, I set up a makeshift studio^✦ in my mom’s basement and recorded^✦ my first album,^✦ Mixed^✦ Drinks. The writing^✦ was funny,^✦ weird, and quirky.^✦ I made songs about^✦ not being able to find my car keys, and getting^✦ broken^✦ up with by a girl I didn’t like in the first place but wanting to win her back just to have bragging rights on who broke up with whom. While it was lo-fi and sounded^✦ like crap, the people I passed^✦ it out to seemed^✦ to enjoy^✦ it for what it was. So I dropped out of high school and decided^✦ to pursue being a rapper^✦ full-time. Backup plans are for pussies^✦

Touring^✦ seemed^✦ like the best way to expand^✦ my career,^✦ so I spent years networking^✦ with other^✦ independent^✦ artists, driving ten to fifteen hours every^✦ day, just to play free shows for crowds of fewer^✦ than fifty^✦ people. I passed^✦ out free tapes^✦ (and eventually^✦ CDs) that I assembled myself^✦ at Kinko’s^✦ and slept on the beer-stained^✦ apartment floors of random^✦ weirdos my crew and I would meet at shows, to avoid^✦ paying for a hotel^✦ room. I could fill an entire^✦ book with tour stories^✦ from my early^✦ years, most of them unfortunate^✦

Touring^✦ and building a fan base from scratch is immensely^✦ hard, and most people don’t even^✦ achieve^✦ moderate^✦ success^✦ doing it. Most people quit the first time they fall flat on their face. Believe^✦ me, you have to be partially^✦ nuts to endure^✦ the things that traveling, working^✦ entertainers endure^✦

Only^✦ 1 percent^✦ become^✦ megastars. The other^✦ 99 percent^✦ of us are on a daily^✦ grind, dreaming we can one day pay off our bills from music^✦

Luckily,^✦ my dreams started^✦ to come true. After^✦ giving^✦ a passionate^✦ decade^✦ of my life to being a rapper,^✦ I started^✦ to turn a profit.^✦ My tiny,^✦ scattered, local^✦ following^✦ had enveloped into^✦ a dedicated^✦ worldwide^✦ fan base. I could play just about^✦ any^✦ part of the world, and pull at least one hundred people -- one thousand^✦ in some places^✦

I sold t-shirts, CDs, trucker hats, sweatshirts, dog bowls, backpacks, fanny^✦ packs, socks, girl panties,^✦ pint glasses,^✦ shot glasses,^✦ et cetera^✦ -- all with my logo^✦ printed on them. I was a working,^✦ self-funded,^✦ independent^✦ rap artist, selling^✦ out shows, paying the bills, and living^✦ a dream that is oft never^✦ achieved by a majority^✦ of musicians,^✦ let alone^✦ rappers^✦

For once in my life, music^✦ was no longer^✦ a struggle. It was a highly^✦ lucrative^✦ roller-coaster ride that afforded^✦ me the ability^✦ to travel^✦ anywhere^✦ and purchase anything^✦ I wanted,^✦ which was new to me, and slightly^✦ unsettling. I knew there was no way this could last forever, so I decided^✦ to invest^✦ my money^✦ wisely^✦ while my chips were up. I found an amazing, albeit^✦ slightly^✦ gaudy,^✦ house in the Brookside^✦ area^✦ of Kansas^✦ City,^✦ Missouri,^✦ put down a giant down payment (since touring^✦ tends to lead to bad credit),^✦ and moved^✦ in

I had my own home (I bought a house!), and it felt great

Me: Hey fucker,^✦ guess who?

Bennett:^✦ ?

Me: Guess who this is, you little dicked^✦ twerp

Bennett:^✦ ho i told u to stop texten^✦ me my girl gonna^✦ c dat shit

Bennett:^✦ bcide u wuz luven^✦ my big dicc in da parkin^✦ lot da otha^✦ nite lol slut

Me: Lol, you think this is a girl

Bennett:^✦ dis is ashly^✦ duh

Bennett:^✦ look.. u ever^✦ seen a tigger^✦ or a lion git married?^✦

Bennett:^✦ u ever^✦ seen a eagel^✦ wit a diamend ring on it”s finger?^✦

Bennett:^✦ no u haven't^✦ dats bcuz men R not saposed^✦ 2 be wit 1 women.^✦ men R wild animels......i fucc alot^✦ of hoez cuz men r saposed^✦ 2 spred there seed da bibel^✦ says we gatta^✦ evolve^✦ and fucc

Me: This isn’t a girl!!!!

Bennett:^✦ wat

Bennett:^✦ now u gunna^✦ try 2 say u were a guy da hole time?bitch i seen ur vaginna u a girl or u got a realy^✦ gud sex change

Me: LOL, STOP. This isn’t fucking^✦ Ashley.^✦ Who’s Ashley?^✦

Bennett:^✦ quit playn on my phone bitch who dis !!!

Me: It’s Mac

Me: Helllooooo???

Bennett:^✦ mac my cuz??..

Me: Yes sir

Bennett:^✦ o shit lolz

Bennett:^✦ wud up G

Me: Care to explain^✦ what’s happening with your mom losing^✦ her house?

Bennett:^✦ man.. it sux

Bennett:^✦ basicly da punk ass govermant^✦ niggas^✦ is kiccin^✦ us out da crib Cuz day so broke dat even^✦ my mom bustid^✦ ass house is wort takin^✦

Me: Is she not doing well? Why can’t she pay the bills?

Bennett:^✦ nigga^✦ my mom on Oxycotton^✦ 247365 times^✦ a day

Me: Do you mean 24/7/365?

Bennett:^✦ ya but im gittin^✦ sum pussy^✦ right now so i ain't have time to type dat side ways / thing

Me: Liar. You said “times^✦ a day” which negates a / even^✦ working.^✦ Bennett:^✦ look pussy^✦ u alweys^✦ talk shit to me when we txt.. u probaly jellice from all da COCC i sell and da $$$ i get

Me: You make money^✦ selling^✦ cock?

Bennett:^✦ na COCC... fuccin..^✦ cocainn

NOTE FOR THOSE LOOKING^✦ TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK FLUENT CRIP:

Members of the Crips do not ever^✦ put the letters C and K next to each other^✦ and just use two C’s instead.^✦ CK stands for Crip Killer,^✦ so this is a very^✦ serious^✦ typographical^✦ issue

Me: I’m fucking^✦ with you. WHY is your mom on OxyContin?^✦

Bennett:^✦ cuz she also^✦ sleep all day an stop payen da bills..

Me: Her back is fucked^✦ up still, right? But OxyContin?^✦ Does she need OxyContin?^✦

Bennett:^✦ ya she in pain alot.^✦ butt cmon playa n e 1 who take oxycotton^✦ does it for fun not bcuz they need it..nigga u ever^✦ try dat shit?it^✦ make u feel like ur 2pac in dat hot tub holden^✦ stax of cash pouren^✦ chammpane on a striperz head

Me: I see. Uh. Also,^✦ who’s Tim?

Bennett:^✦ dats my mom BF

Me: Yeah? You live with him, yeah? Why can’t he help with the bills?

Bennett:^✦ he wierd. he duz acid^✦ and smoke hella^✦ weed wit me but he a bum ass nigga^✦ 2.haha.^✦ he broke as fuk

Bennett:^✦ butt he smart like U doe.....

Bennett:^✦ he read sum wild ass books like U. sum crazy^✦ shit wit Da Illuminadi. he a wild ass nigga^✦

Bennett:^✦ he show me a video^✦ on UTube^✦ of 911 an how da govermant^✦ planted dinamite in da billdings and blew dem up

Me: Do you believe^✦ that stuff, Bennett?^✦

Bennett:^✦ hell yea who doeznt.?da white house has a grave unda^✦ it wit gosts and shit

Bennett:^✦ i dont beleive^✦ anything^✦ on Da news

Me: Right on, buddy.^✦ I’m going to call your mom. What’s her number?^✦

Bennett:^✦ K hang on

Bennett:^✦ 913-648-****

Now that I knew more of the scoop, I called^✦ Aunt Lillian^✦ and extended an invitation^✦ for them all to come stay with me for a few weeks. She was so intoxicated^✦ on painkillers that I couldn’t understand a word she said, other^✦ than, “Thank you so much!”

This was spur of the moment,^✦ but I knew it was the right thing to do. Family^✦ is family.^✦ You’re supposed^✦ to help family.^✦ Right? And all I wanted^✦ to do right then was help my aunt. Especially^✦ after^✦ hearing^✦ the pain and confusion^✦ in her voice over^✦ the phone

Especially^✦ after^✦ what she did for me in 2002.

Continues...

Technical Breakdown

6.3

Multisyllabic Rhymes9.5

Complexity of rhyme schemes (data-driven)

Internal Rhymes9.5

Rhymes within a line (data-driven)

Wordplay / Double Entendres2.0

Clever language, metaphors, punchlines

Cadence / Rhythm7.5

Flow variation and timing (data-driven)

Vocabulary Complexity8.5

Range and depth of words used (data-driven)

Delivery / Breath Control3.0

Performance and control

Computed Score6.35

Production

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Critic Analysis

RAPLEDGER BAROMETER™

The provided text is an autobiographical prose narrative and does not contain a professional hip-hop verse that meets the structural or technical requirements for formal evaluation as a rap performance.

9.5

Multisyllabic

9.5

Internal Rhymes

7.5

Cadence / Flow

8.5

Vocabulary

Wordplay

Delivery

AABB rhyme schemeEnd-rhyme focusedNarrative storytelling

Rhyme Architecture: The excerpted 'MC Reptile' verse utilizes a basic AABBCCDD couplet structure with simple, monosyllabic and disyllabic end rhymes.

Verified Doubles & Entendres

"weave words together like textiles"

① The literal act of crafting lyrics.② A metaphor comparing the interconnected nature of rhyme construction to the weaving of fabric.

"beaten like eggs"

① Physical assault in a battle context.② The culinary process of whisking, emphasizing vulnerability/frailty.

Clear narrative progression

Authentic autobiographical tone

Sincere documentation of artistic evolution

The verse lacks complex rhythmic variation

Wordplay is limited to rudimentary similes and literal punchlines

Absence of internal rhyme schemes or dense multi-syllabic patterns

Delivery cannot be evaluated as it is provided as prose

(NFA) No Freeze & All

Lyrics & Rhyme Analysis

Technical Breakdown

Production

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